


fairy lights won't hide the blows

by timeladyleo



Series: the knapp-shappey-shipwrights have a horrible christmas! [7]
Category: Cabin Pressure
Genre: F/M, Implied/Referenced Domestic Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-17
Updated: 2020-12-17
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:14:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,289
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28128210
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/timeladyleo/pseuds/timeladyleo
Summary: If Arthur watched the tree for long enough, he could pretend he was in another world. Just like the Nutcracker, maybe he too could get shrunk down to the size of a mouse and save the day.
Relationships: Carolyn Knapp-Shappey & Arthur Shappey, Carolyn Knapp-Shappey/Gordon Shappey, Carolyn Knapp-Shappey/Herc Shipwright, Douglas Richardson & Arthur Shappey
Series: the knapp-shappey-shipwrights have a horrible christmas! [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2039773
Comments: 4
Kudos: 11





	fairy lights won't hide the blows

**Author's Note:**

> another one that's been in my head for some time because the second i listened to this song - _(That's the Way it Crumbles) Cookie-wise_ by Joe Stilgoe - i knew it was due to be used as inspo for a sad arthur/hercolyn/carolyn fic, and here it is! 
> 
> and for anyone following the cpchallenge advent, this is posted on st petersburg day and i think it's pretty apparent why.

Arthur put his hands over his ears and stared into the tree, watching the lights blink. On, off. On, off. Red, white, red, white. Dad had said that it had to be ‘tasteful’. Arthur had given his handicraft to Dad, asked him nicely if it could go on the tree. _Of course_ , Dad had said, _I’ll put it up later_.

Dad would say otherwise, but Arthur knew he was not stupid. He knew the sounds of things. Later, when Dad wasn’t looking, Arthur snuck into the kitchen and retrieved his ornament from the bin.

If he watched the tree for long enough, he could pretend he was in another world. Just like the Nutcracker, maybe he too could get shrunk down to the size of a mouse and save the day and run off with the Sugar Plum Fairy where they could be best friends and eat mint humbugs all day. Even being in the mouse army would be fun. If he were a mouse, he’d bite through all the cables and break the tree, he’d eat the corners off the presents and smash the baubles on the tree. He’d break it all and no-one would know, no-one would tell him off.

Dad hadn’t liked it when Arthur had watched the Nutcracker. He said that men who did ballet were fairies. Arthur hadn’t understood why that was a problem, because the Sugar Plum Fairy was undoubtedly the best character. Still, he’d put the video away and never touched it again after hearing the plates smash on the floor. The shouting. _Filling his head with ideas_.

What Dad didn’t know was that Arthur’s head was always so full of ideas, bubbling with them, always taking things to reinvent inside his head. The flashing lights. The way water shone on pavements after rain. Frost on the window. Screaming.

In his head, he was the Rat King, and the Nutcracker was coming to vanquish him for being disobedient and wrong, even though the Nutcracker seemed to have some pretty funny ideas about right and wrong. But the tree had to be tasteful, and protesting meant a fight that he could not win. Arthur reconstructed his ornament alone in his room, later, humming a Christmas song to try and drown out the words, _he’s so stupid that a five-year-old could do better!_

Arthur knew the sounds of things, and he hummed louder to try and drown out dull thuds and shattering glass.

He stared into the tree and watched the lights blink. They were ever so slightly out of rhythm. Probably, it was because they were old, the same lights they used every year. The same sad tinsel, same red and white baubles.

Once, he’d gone to Carolyn, asked her if they could put something new on the tree for a change. Dad would say no, definitely, but if Mum was on his side, then just maybe…?

She’d just shaken her head, a distant look in her eyes. _You’ll have to ask your Father_ , she’d said, but Arthur knew that code, heard her really say _it’s not worth the argument_. But he had, and he remembered his ornament in the bin, now safely tucked away in the cupboard he knew Dad couldn’t get to, hidden from view. He begged her to ask.

Later, he pretended not to notice her red eyes and shaking voice as she told him no, again. He was good at not noticing.

They hadn’t had a tree for many years, not since Dad had gone. Carolyn had claimed that they simply didn’t have time to bother with such a silly thing but hadn’t said no when Arthur had wanted his own little one for his room. She’d begrudgingly let Douglas put one up in the portacabin, and when Douglas had japed about Carolyn being a miser, Arthur had pretended to agree with him. He wasn’t a good enough liar to pretend he didn’t know who Scrooge was – _everyone_ knew that – but he could say yes to go along with someone. He could agree to stop someone from telling him off.

He had looked at the tree in the portacabin and asked Douglas if he could put something on it. Douglas had shrugged, _of course_ , almost surprised that Arthur was asking. Almost surprised at the relief.

Arthur thought that Douglas’ daughters were probably quite lucky.

Carolyn had frowned at the tree, and Arthur wondered if she saw it and heard the tantrum that would have followed as well. Maybe she was Scrooge after all, haunted by Christmases past. The ghost of Dad threatening to drag them into hell. That had been his favourite thing to scream, red-faced, frothing at the mouth, _go to hell_. Arthur had never been particularly good at the ins and outs of religion, but he was pretty sure that hell was for bad people only, so why Dad thought Carolyn needed to go was beyond him.

The Rat King was probably in hell, because he was definitely bad. Bad and stupid. He had to be pretty stupid to think he could win against the Nutcracker. Arthur had always found it pretty silly that the Nutcracker was allowed to go back to being in charge at the end, even though Clara had won the war for him. He’d found it pretty silly that Clara was in love with the Nutcracker, because she was clearly better than him.

Not that he pretended to understand love for one minute. He knew what love felt like, and it felt like being together with all your favourite people in the world and laughing and smiling and forgetting about all the bad things in the world, just for a second, just for long enough. But he also knew what it looked like when it went wrong, all purple and red and clenched fists.

Arthur thought that Herc was pretty lucky that he thought love was all romance and no shattered glass.

Arthur thought that they were pretty lucky that Herc liked them. Herc hadn’t even seemed that upset about the whole tree thing. He’d told Carolyn that she was being miserly, but if Herc was a ghost, he was more like the big, jolly Muppet of Christmas Present. No pointing fingers or threats of hell or red-faced rage. Herc’s car coming onto the drive didn’t make Arthur’s stomach sink, make him want to hide.

Herc coming home made him want to open the door. And even though Carolyn pretended otherwise, Arthur knew her trying to hide the truth face, and the truth was that Herc made her feel the same.

It had been years since Arthur had watched the Nutcracker, and he’d never been to a real ballet. Carolyn had pretended to not care and Herc had been mock-outraged, the sort of fake-angry that came with a smile and without a hint of a raised voice. Arthur was good at telling the difference.

The lights at the theatre had been white and sparkly, catching the glitter on the baubles and fake snow that lined the windows. Neither Arthur nor Herc had said anything when they caught Carolyn smiling.

They both knew she would pretend not to enjoy herself. They knew that she knew that they knew better.

And Arthur knew he didn’t have to pretend any more. He just beamed up at the Sugar Plum Fairy and thought about how wonderful she was. She should have been allowed to stay in charge, and send the stupid Nutcracker away, and broker peace properly with the Rat King. She should have been allowed to dance with her Cavalier and not have to worry about a Nutcracker ruining everything.

He didn't say anything when he noticed Herc and Carolyn holding hands, ‘secretly. He just smiled.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm on tumblr, [sircarolyn](http://sircarolyn.tumblr.com/).


End file.
